Support groups come in
all sizes and flavors, in person and online. Whether you're looking for
a divorce support group, a cancer support group, depression, grief, or
weight loss support group, the elements for providing you with
substantive and positive emotional, mental, physical or spiritual
support are still the same. There are two kinds of support groups:
positive and negative.
Positive: A pro-active positive support group is one that promotes learning
about new medicines, new procedures, new clinical trials, new books,
CD's et al about your disorder. This group promotes going forward, and
helps facilitate your research and personal empowerment as a blessing.
When you are introduced
to the group they do not spend endless hours recounting the disease
story about why you are here. It's a fact that does not need to be
addressed again and again that you have a disorder story. YOU live it,
so why keep going over it and over it and over it, to activate all that
negative energy? That's WHY you joined that particular group.
The positive group
leader is not intimidated by your unanswerable questions, but is
inspired to become more educated about your topic. Your leader
encourages you to ask current unanswerable questions and challenges each
member to think beyond disease limiting conditions and current horizons.
They promote all of the members to participate by delegating various
positive assignments for everyone. If this is a local group, you take
"glad to be alive, share life" field trips that have absolutely NOTHING
to do with the disorder, and EVERYTHING about feeling good about
yourself, seeing the world, laughing and having a balanced life.
This group supports taking care of your appearance, sharing new ideas,
resources and adventures about makeup, hair, wardrobe, personal hygiene
and physical rehabilitation and exercise. This group wants you to care
about your personal appearance, so when you look in the mirror and are
seen by friends, you look alive, and as healthy and refined as possible
for your condition. They discourage maintaining a "sick" image.
Negative:
It should be a great
concern to be in a group that does nothing but recount what was and all
that is unhealthy and unhappily going on in the life of it's
participants. Inevitably this will negatively impact participant's
minds and spirits. This is often seen in online Internet groups.
Research tends to support that recounting your horror story and reading
the countless venting of others, does not support a positive attitude
that promotes physical healing and healthy emotional and mental
responses. This group meets only to go over and over and over your tale
of diagnosis and personal devastation, from your introduction "story" to
your tale of weekly woes. This is a disorder "victim" group. It
is commiseration of negative energy at the highest level of disguise.
No matter how much you think that this group is helping you, they are
not. They exist to talk about and share negative experiences creating a
"stuck" atmosphere. It’s bonding by perpetual "downers."
You do not receive points on the other side for being a victim of your
diagnosis, disease, or plight. You are in fact, contributing to your own
demise. Acceptance is one thing, denial another. Being a victim assists
your problem in draining your own life force energy. Having a problem
and addressing it with the "pity poor me" approach is futile. It may
elicit help for a while, but the keyword here is for a while. Give up
the pity party. Fight! Instead, use that time researching how to restore
and regenerate your life.
Do not use the fact that you are having a terrible reaction to something
in your treatment as making you special or as your identity. I have seen
many cancer clients who wanted attention, and used the negative
occurrences in their illness as a banner to set them apart. This is not
productive. It frustrates your healthcare provider. They are aware
of the psychological reasons you are using your negative reaction for
attention. Understanding that this is a confusing and complicated time
in your life, try to take your identity from your positive approach to
life. Therefore, when you healthcare provider does not emphasize or
respond to your negative identity crisis, it’s a good sign. Their job is
to assist your health, not enable you.
Grieving is an area that takes a little more time. HOWEVER, positive
attitudes are essential here also. Although you have lost a loved one,
living with a dead memory can kill off your life force energy day to day
and breath by breath. I personally understand this as my fiance was
killed in a sudden auto crash. I never had the chance to say ANYTHING!
However, it's better to celebrate their life and remember all the good.
Then you keep all the "positive" alive which is contributory to your
healing. By celebrating their life, you never have to bury their
memories. You can take them out at any time, like a special gift and
savor all the wonderful thoughts and feelings.
Weight loss is just
that. It takes times. However, while waiting, you can focus on the
light at the end of the scale, instead of the chocolate bars and
emotional traumas creating your health issue. You CAN tell a health
story that presents your "learning opportunity" as a learning
opportunity to help heal the others in your group, rather than a
commiseration band aid.
If your group is not
continually teaching you new and progressive things, and supporting your
positive emotional, mental, spiritual and physical and appearance
growth, leave.
If your group doesn't
embrace having an open mind and awareness without censorship other than
that of your personal intuition, leave!
UNTIL you take your knowledge gained from any group and turn it into a
positive learning opportunity that you do something about! you are not
going forward. Unless you choose to grow forward, you will remain in
the same condition that brought you into the group in the first place.
Research continues to
affirm that being a part of a positive support can add quality and
quantity to your life. Although the intent of most support groups is to
be contributory in helping it's members, a negative group can ultimately
do more harm than good.
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